vacation chapter something.

So today we went to our first time-share pressure sales experience, all in the name of discount tickets to a Pirate Show.  Now, I don't want to say that this was a bad experience for me; so let me put it this way.  If tomorrow Pirates don't shoot muskets out their ass, and I don't get a personal interview with Johnny freakin Depp in character, I'm going to be pissed. 

We Show up, and are pretty much the only people that look like we can afford gas money to make to this thing.  Which is a bonus because they whisked us upstairs in about 30 seconds.  We where then treated rapidly, and I do mean fast to a seriously deep fried southern meal.  No sweat tea?  Weird right? 

The next thing I know I'm locked in a room of what appears to be uninformed sequestered jurors.  Our personal salesman is dressed like a car dealer from the 50's complete with flat top haircut.  He tells us its his second day on the job, and I believe him, because he gives out way too much information about his days as a substitute teacher and why he became disgruntled and left.  Two words you don't ever want to hear together are disgruntled and employee. 

I look up and see what appears to be a blond chipmunk on what our salesman described as LOTS of coffee.  She appeared more like a Southwest flight attendant on LOTS of speed.  Funny as hell, and from some small town in the south with a name likely to involve the word "Crick" as in "Creek" or smallish river running through a trailer park. 

So I'm trapped in an infomercial with people from all over the country who looked confused I imagine much like cattle before they become steak; thinking again to myself, "really better be a good pirate show".  I have football hat all the salesman have to tell me why they like or dislike my team

.  I smile and nod, because I know if I say f-off, no pirates for me.  I was good for the first eighteen comments. 

So basically in a rapid power point stand-up comedy bad hair presentation, I learned that I can buy points, with money, to take a vacation every year till I die.  I learned that if I did this I would always be happy, people would like me, coffee would taste better, I would never ever fart again, and Unicorns would serve me breakfast on Tuesdays.  Better yet I could have all of this for a small down payment at 17.99% interest.  Of course there is the whole, I have to talk to my manager so he can tell you ......... Every time someone said I have to talk to my manager, my blood pressure went up ten points.  Every time someone referred to money as points, or as I learned in my second year of Sociology "token economy"  shit for lack of words, my blood pressure continued to rise. 

But I digress, to leave this ruse, we finally had to meet a manager.  Who was nothing short of a total prick.    He basically made us a very easy offer to refuse, I think he was trying to play some kind of bad cop psychological role.  Or he was just a total prick.  I took all I had, and I mean all I had not to ask him, " is this part of the game, or are you just a prick?"  After telling him essentially not so much no as fuck no. They sent in the last person who surveyed our experience with our salesman in front of our salesman, then offered us the reduced, reduced, re-reduced 29 day, just give us your first born and a lock of hair gypsie deal. which again the answer was no, before she could finish the sentence. 

I think, and I'm stereotyping, I finally found a group of people I like less than lawyers.