My own personal tantrum

So as I sit here, angry; I want to be sarcastic, caustic, humorous. I want to thumb my nose at the world. To essentially tell the world to bite me. To say, that I have it all under control. That it doesn't bother me, that I have to get in and out of my car five times in the morning just to remember everything. Everything which is essentially nothing. I want to pout. To pooch my lip out like a kid, and shout at the top of my lungs, "ITS NOT FAIR". Cause its not (life). Ya know.

I looked it up, and write there in fine print just below the warranty section, right after jurisdictional issues between mallard/platypus relationships; it says, "BEAR IN MIND LIFE IS NOT FAIR".

So I will sit here grateful. Grateful and angry. I will allow myself to pout, whilst I acknowledge the reality that there is in fact real suffering going on in the world. The world to which, despite my incessant protestations, continues to NOT revolve around me.

God bless.

j

Two Cats in a cold garage.

If my cats could speak, I'm thinking this is the dialogue presently underway....


"You idiot"
"If I told you one time, I told you a thousand times; night-time is not play-time"
"Now look at us. Freezing our fat cat tails off, in the garage."
"No don't... Don't pee on his shoes. The last time you did that his crazy ass kept us out here for solid week."

"You realize two minutes ago, I was sprawled out on the sofa. The Warm Sofa."
"And for the love of Sweet god, you always run, roll-over, and look at him with the excitement of a game of chase. It's not chase. Moron. Human's call it remove the cat and sleep."

"God almighty its cold out here.. You know what . Screw it. Pee on his shoes."

Just a couple of musings. I heard this morning that a murder trial was being moved out of one state to another. The concerns expressed where a "tainted jury pool". This certainly raises a lot of questions for me. One. Is there a more, what shall I say "Murder Friendly" state. Further speculation leads me to think that perhaps its not the "tainted jury pool" of concern, rather issues of looking for a perhaps "shallower gene pool".

Oh, and yes I get the whole liberal, not liberal, life in jail, versus being a brief guest on a cooking show (so to speak) scenario. I just found it odd the way it was presented is all.

Sigh.............. There is so much beauty in this world, I just find that some days its harder to find through all of the crap. So much of what we hear on radio and television, is basically anger based, divisive, almost propaganda shtuff.... Its nauseating.

I sight my favorite worldly microcosmic barometer: Professional Wrestling. In today's wrestling climate, you can't tell the good guys from the bad guys. Or why they are liked or disliked. Basically you watch to deranged narcissistic figures which are essentially real life caricatures of different aspects of society puffed up and hissing at other; while a building full of truly deranged people shout chant and hold up signs hoping to be spotted by some relative in whatever distant small town from which they hale.

Long story short. Life imitates art or vice versa. In this case the mirror represented takes on a fun house kind of feel.....

On Not being cool.....

Some of the harder moments in our lives. Realizing are parents are fallible. That's a biggie. And a bummer. Realizing we are fallible. At some point in our lives it occurs to us that we aren't going to live forever. Also a bummer. And a little anxiety provoking at that.

Which brings me to my present realization of awareness. I'm not cool. I'm not as interesting as I think. I'm not always right. I know this is hard for some of you to take in, and I hope I haven't hurt any of you with the bluntness of my flaws. Still I owe to you, the reader (literally), to share.

We have a neighbor, someone who lives in our area. Very nice person. Funny, kind. Good people, all around. Anyway, I being me, was probably overly me in trying to be funny and entertaining. When I met this person, I thought, hey this is a cool person. Someone I could hang out with. Sort of a "Fred and Barney" "Ralph and Norton" kind of deal.

However, and I go back to the beginning of this diatribe, methinks I am not as cool as me thinks. Recently our kids were playing in the yard, running around with our friends kids, and the wives were chatting. The other individual in this story, was on a phone call when the kids were running around playing and the wives were visiting. So we go to walk to away, and my wife off-handedly jokes, "Man he really doesn't like you". No malice. Just a joke. And its like a light bulb goes off (dim, flickering at best), but I remember all of these, "can you take hint" scenarios dating back almost six months.

In the first Shrek movie, Donkey follows Shrek back to his Swamp and invites himself over. Standing at the front door, Donkey says, and I suck at paraphrasing, "Don't you hate that awkward silence when somebody wants you to leave..." Then Donkey looks up and see's Shrek staring at him uncomfortably.

I guess my first order of business is to apologize to this person, who is to nice to say, "Hey Donkey, leave me alone". Next, I guess I'll stop entering dance competitions, as I rumors speculate I lack rhythm. I've already cancelled my back waxing this week, so all that remains is to sell auction off my chest wigs. I'm thinkin e-bay. Maybe Craigs-list. I bet that Craig guy is cool. His neighbors probably like him.

god bless,
j

Ok, I give on Woods matter....

Generally, I try to stay removed from such matters as the Tiger Woods affair (get it affair. I'm startin slow). Since its all that anyone can talk about, I in my greatness have decided to weigh in.

Firstly, I see a lot of possibilities for Tiger to continue his relationship with his many sponsors. Buick, for instance. "I'm Tiger Woods, and lets talk about new and improved safety glass. Bigger mirrors to enhance vision..."

Nike, "When I'm not golfing, I'm running. Which is why I use the new golf-sprint 2600. So whether your putting or sprinting...."

Hmmmmmmm. "Tiger here on the q-t about the new mobile q-t supersecret 6000"

I don't know. It's none of my business, but man does the media feed on this stuff. And if I here one more person talk about what a forgiving society we are. FORGIVING????

Let me help you with this. Forgiving how, exactly? Maybe in that, "Confess your a Witch, and we'll kill you quickly and not burn you kinda way? Or are we looking for more of a Braveheart ending. "Tell us Tiger.... You were wrong, and confess your allegiance to England in the Ryder Cup or its the Nine Irons for you"....

Cut to back drop, Tiger screams out "Auuuuguusssstaaaaa"

Too much? Over the top? Probly.

peace,
j

I gotta counter

I gotta counter. Very excited. I used to have one. Then I ditched it. Now I got one back. Now I can count all of my Fan(s). So Siked. Bring on my beloved Minions. .....

Still waiting..... Hello..... I don't know how to type Echo Echo Echo....


I betcha, I will be my biggest fan.

Tiger Woods

Briefly. Don't care about Tiger Woods private life. Not really a big fan of golf. It is incidents like these that make me grow to loathe sports talk shows. To whit, I take full responsibility for listening to them. Its the same thing every time. "Now I don't want to Talk about Tiger Woods....but"

"If I could tell Tiger anything...."

Really.

Now the only sports show I will listen to is Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN Radio. Love these guys. You have a combination of humor and sports intellect. You have two guys who have fun, don't take themselves too seriously, and actually listen to people who know stuff.

And they don't whine so much.

To continue, Mike and Mike did play a quote from Charles Barkley, referring to the Tiger Woods incident. Personally, hilarious. The piece wasn't so much meant for humor, but the idea of Charles Barkley giving anyone advice on anything that doesn't involve a ball and hoop.... Is at best .... worst. This cat is a PR nightmare.

That's all I got for today.

Peace,
j

Tiger Woods