Drink Life

A toast to life

To smiles, laughter, tears, and joy. To bittersweet memories of victories, defeats, embarrassments, and accomplishments. To the game. The process. The essence. To the smells, sounds, and sights. To Shakespeare's eloquence, and Springer's ignorance. To humanity for all its veinglorioussness. To our hypocrisy's, idiosyncrasy's, and our novelty. To Ben Franklin, for inventing pretty much everything. To fear. Fear of Failure. Fear of success. Fear of opportunity, growth, and yes even the dark.

I would toast pride, for without it, mans foibles would be dull. Whoever said Pride Goethe before the fall. NAILED IT. To the Greeks who's epic pieces mocking and celebrating Pride. To humility, for its quiet calming presence. To silence, sweat, silence when it intrudes on our traffic inundated lives only to remind us that crickets still exist.

Finally, to peanut butter, chocolate, chocolate and peanut butter. To star filled skies and my children's eyes. To the opportunity for better days. Let us be grateful and aware of our blessings, and conscious of those less fortunate such that they too might see better days.

Oh and to Jack who turns three today.

Lost and Found

I have often suspected that anyone who understands the meaning of life probably implodes, pops, explodes, or just disappears. Maybe a brief Gestalt, an "A ha" of sorts; then poof, bang, nothing. Not so much a cosmic image. Still I wonder. How many songs? Books? Movies? Poems? Address the meaning of life.

One of the best books (one of the only books) I have ever read is called, "Man's Search for Meaning". Why? We wonder. What came before us? And before what came before us?.......

"Then came the Dinosaurs. They all died and we bought Mercedes Benz's"
a loose quote from the Movie "Airplane"

Bang. I like that. There was a big bang. Here we are. A large explosion, and we commenced to being. Being what? Well stuff of course? What stuff? You now "Bang Stuff" "Matter".
"OOoooh Matter".

Or there's a tale about a strange man in a large boat. Of which whom even though they were told specifically not to take candy from strangers or get into large watercraft with strange bearded men; 2 by 2 they boarded.

Hmmmmm. I'm still confused. But we need to understand. We just gotta know. Or maybe its just me. Maybe everyone is going, "It is what it is". Which I do here often. I do believe it was God or Yahweh who said, "I am." Which is a little brief, but I suppose if your the lord, who's gonna get ya for sentence fragment.

Which I love about religion. It finds people. Or people find it. I was........in a gutter.... with a pigeon............covered completely in......... having lost everythi........I didn't even know she liked trucke....rs......and I found religion. Or religion found me. Usually, these are the scenarios as I have observed them:
- It was late
- I was lost
- I was in some way shape or form under the influence of something
- I was minding my own business in a tent when a small man with REALLY big HAIR
struck me in the forehead

The following results. Now I'm all better. I get it.
"what"?

"You now. It. the meaning".

"what meaning?"

"THE MEANING"

"Ooooh well if you are going to put it in all CAPS" "Well then it must be so"

Which brings us to faith. I like faith. Faith primarily says. BECAUSE. Faith is like an answer on credit. Its like a "Get out of Jail Free card (Monopoly)" for tough questions. And if you get Really annoyed with someone, then you can............ QUESTION their faith. People have been drowned, stoned, burned, and even kicked out of the Republican party for having their faith questioned.

Having said a lot about very little using linear, circular, and even no logic at all; I will leave you with this.

Beats the shit out of me. Daily.

microcosm on ice

So today we go skating. As a family. My wife, myself, and our 2 children. We're skating at a rink that has 2 separate rinks for skating; of which often times there are several activities going on. Today we had the usual public skate on the one side; and a junior hockey game on the other.

Ice skating is always interesting. You have many different types. Families, such as mine with little ones skittering about, sliding and falling. You have teenagers skating more fast than they are agile. Or more clumsy than they should go fast (talk about a multi-applicable reference to teenagers). Me, I'm trying to get my youngest to focus enough to get his skates on. He's almost three, and he is thrilled to be in the presence of any and all, and especially multiple stimuli.

My oldest at five, is equally excited and grows exponentially independent as the hours turn into days. Of course my lovely wife, who seems to live on FM radio, while I amble about on AM, tries to keep me focused on keeping the kids focused.

We make it to the ice. My youngest basically wobbles like that newborn moose or deer or whatever animal that happens to be newborn on the nature channel, and learns to walk within an hour, and is outrunning lions by dinnertime (lions).

So we skittle and wobble, and I hold my youngest while he feels his way around the ice. My oldest, takes off. More heart than technique. Determined, fearless, and social, she ambles about with the basic skills of skating, sans stopping (hope that makes the next lesson).

Teenagers. 4-5 scraggly looking shaggy kids, all arms and legs, going too fast in and out off various families, and figure skaters. The father in me thinks. Even slightly. Even close. And somebody is going down hard. Hard. Then I remember.........

A gangly kid, who was way cooler, way faster, than these teenagers. I remember a kid who could fly. Who could actually jump small children and trip senior citizens without even braking a sweat. Even impressing the European judges as he skated rapidly long hair flowing in the wind, while Duran Duran blared out of speakers and disco balls spun. Yes this kid was special. He made braces look cool, and pimples seem sexy. How soon we forget. I wonder how many dad's were inches from taking me down hard?

So intermission comes, and I step next door to watch a little hockey. Holy-shit. I'm there for like twenty seconds, and I see like four absolutely brutal, illegal hits. Parents standing around cheering stupidly, like parents do at any sporting event. Only in this one kids, on both teams are getting smashed. The referee, who I would find out later, is new, and for on the ice for his first time. I also find out that this is the highest league for like 15-16 year olds. Regardless. I saw four Roughing Penalties and six Slashing Penalties (names are self explanatory) in moments.

Parents are all jacked up, and screaming. Its bedlam. The referees, who I remarked to a friend of mine who coaches kids around this level, would eventually lose COMPLETE control of the game. I don't care what sport you referee, which I would never do. The second you lose control. You have a problem. I'm just glad no-one got hurt. Later I would hear parents in the lobby saying, "you should have decked him"...... etc. I want to vomit.

Later as I skate quietly behind my daughter who is too independent at this point to skate with me, as she determinedly works her way around the rink, little arms pumping, little helmet on her head. I feel such joy. Such pride. Just to watch my daughter happy. Independent. Happy. She is magic. I watch as she slides to ice. I Skate over and pick her up. I have both of her hands in mine. I skate backwards while she holds on. Slowly as I watch her smile. Then Faaaaaaaaassssst. I take off, and she laughs as I pull her around the ice she is wobbling and careening and laughing until finally she loses her balance and I catch her. She smiles. The prettiest, happiest, no front teeth smile ever. She is my joy. Meanwhile the offspring that only an hour ago was akin to a newborn on Animal Planet is indeed standing, and with the aid of a small crane, myself, my wife, or myself and my wife, gets around is doing remarkable for an almost three year old.

For a moment I am content. Truly happy. Then I remember, and this doesn't temper my mood, rather it strikes me ironic; as I realize that next door, kids are flying around whacking each other with sticks, while parents cheer, of all things, and referees stand lost with whistles.

It is a microcosm of our world, and frightens me to pull the Microscope back and analogously change the players of this vignette from ice to life. From play to war. From calm sky's and austere settings to smoke filled rooms resulting from inept impotent leadership.

So I will remember the beautiful smile and work towards better days.

quotes

here's a quote I read from igoogle

I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe. - Richard Gere

1. What was he smoking?
2. Was he smoking it with the Dali Lama?
3. Does the Dali Lama now he smokes this schnit?
4. If Richard Gere was a giraffe in snake suit, and fell in the forest, and no-one appeared at the preview of his latest movie; then what time would the second train arrive in Chicago?

But I digress. I'm all about Buddhism. Truly cool, peaceful, stuff. But I don't get it. Periodically I pick something up to read about it, and I just get totally lost. I think I'm just not smart enough to get it. Its like, "If the wind is blowing then why do the fish swim? the boy asked" "Because of the wind chimes tell us about the rocks". OK, I'm sure someone gets this somewhere. Me, not so much.

Now...........HERE'S A QUOTE FOR YA.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. - Dorothy Nevill

Now that is cool proverbial powerful wisdom there. I say this because I am all about the tempting moment. I have a gift for saying the wrong thing at the wrong moment, but well. What a beautiful articulate way to address leaving that alone which is best unsaid. Me, I'm all, "Hey look the Emperor is Naked" amidst the hush's and horrors. If there is a 500 pound Gorilla sitting quietly in the mist of a living room somewhere, I am Dianne Fossey. I am synonymous with blush, and have started many a tale with, " So then John says..........."

Have a good weekend.

It is the stolen quiet moments with our children that answer so many questions and quench the thirst that is our existence.
"Me"

self worth

I am re-reading a text about which deals with procrastination from a different perspective. The book is called, "The Now Habit" by Neil Fiore Ph.D. Good stuff. The book essentially inverts the logic about procrastination, getting away from the why(?) going more towards the why not (?) Fiore takes a more positive approach to life diverting away from the more negative aspects of issues which so often bind and limit us as human beings. He makes a lot of good points. I have to say I like this book and would encourage anyone curious about procrastination to take a look. This book is refreshing. It gets away from the obvious. Its not a motivational tool. There are no pictures of big people with big teeth saying, "get up off of that couch" "And Do It". I see Neil more as a smaller less toothy guy who kinda says, "Hmmmmmmmm why are we on that couch, and what can we do to get off (the couch)? Its Historical cool really.

Thanks..........

This is soooooooooooo cool. check this web-site out. I think it addresses the way a lot of people feel.

http://www.gratitudecampaign.org/shortmovie.php

Doctors.... taste just like chicken

Foreword I would like to apologize to all of my friends who are Doctors, be they PhD's, MD's, what have you. I love you all and cherish your friendships. And you know who you are because you are probably the only ones reading this blog.

Let me start by saying, and I am stereo typing hard core, but here goes; there is no I in team. However if you look closely, there is EGO in the word Doctor. In my work I have come to know a good many Dr's and have tremendous respect for them as professionals and as people. Having said this I have also run across more than the occasional breed that I would not piss on if, metaphorically speaking, they where on fire (god I miss my grand-mother, she had the best quotes). Again I would emphasize to my dear friends that were you in any incendiary state I would be both ready and willing to provide hose and urine at a moments notice.

Obviously I have been inundated with the pompous breed of MD of late. So today after leaving what I considered to be a valuable days work, with a client and family; assisting them with appropriate necessities, I found myself walking wearily out the hospital. Again after having to listen to some Big Wheel surgeon go ON AND ON AND ON about his portfolio on the phone. His tax leans, tee-pees, and wig-wams; while bitching at his assistant who had the nerve to call him with a medical question for what I believe was a post-op questions which he repeatedly said, "just do the usual, until he finally grabbed his little quasi sliver phone and essentially repeated said message, hangs up, and then apologizes for this peons interruption into the glowing spotlight that is him. Which by the way was giving me a headache. Me. Me, captain ego. Man of all seasons. Prince of the tides, lord of the rings, king of the jungle, head of the used car lot........ Folks if your ego light extinguishes mine, YOUCH. That's like breaking Narcissus' Mirror.

Ordinarily this would be enough of a build up but I feel the need to share this other small piece..... By small piece I mean a lot of things. For the last three days I have been dealing with this other pompous, whats the word................... asshole. Who has been insistent on discharging an individual who wasn't medically stable. Now here's the thing boys and girls. I am not a Doctor. I also now less about medicine than I can read Chinese (I always get the number seven). However, in my line of work I am required to ascertain as to a clients state of well being before appropriate transfer can be made.

So your wondering. Jon how can this be? We have red your work. We know you are wise and can only presume you are handsome beyond all recourse, and have probably maimed yourself just to keep from being mobbed by fans. Still, Jon, who we all love, how can you question a Dr.? Low not just a Dr. But a genius. A great man. A man who is not only aware of his brilliance but has hired people to reinforce said knowledge.

My answer, dear friends, is simple. And for only $9.95 you too can have........
Actually here's the thing. Bold Face Print. Any medical labs that are out of whack or of the norm, are in Bold face print. Where as I don't know medicine, I have a working knowledge of Bold Face Print. So whilst I can't so much as argue with the greater minds of this world, I can wearily approach the king on bended knee with quivering voice and say, "Pardon me my Lord, But me thinks the Potassium is perchance low on this particular peasant", and then quickly feign back as not to catch the full wrath of Zeus's'(DR) wrath.

So for three days I have been catching shit from Dr. Zhivago who's main goal in life (Second to having a small town, or even state named after him) is to get this patient discharged. By day three, and this shows you just how mature I'm not, I actually wear a tie into work just to remind myself to be professional and not maul this guy (I'm sure I wouldn't I'm all talk).

Fast Forward, patient leaves. Family happy. Nurses happy. Jon happy. Dr. Oblivious to whole scenario, distracted trying to see reflection in stethoscope.

So I'm walking out of the building, tired, and frustrated, when I happen to cross paths with a dear friend. One of those people who is just unique. The guy you recognize and enjoy in movies and sitcoms. The best supporting actor. The straight man. The guy with timing. At times I even feel like the narrator. Just an awesome dude. Truly blog worthy.

So he says to me, "I see Dr. schmo, Dr blow, and Dr. No "( one of which is the first prick I railed about earlier). "and I hear Dr. Blow say" "It's not like we're playing god"...... The guy tells me, after I crack three ribs from laughter that he had the same side splitting response walking down the hallway, and that Dr. Blow said, "Whats so Funny"?

Folks, For those of you that get this. I hope you feel the same mirth that I enjoyed. Its one of those jokes that if its funny to you, you laugh till it hurts. I will enjoy this joke for many a day to come.

But let me close, by again saying, some of the most remarkable people I have had the privilege to work with have been Dr's. Quality, caring people, who have reached out to and assisted myself, and my family on numerous occasions. As is always the case it usually a few bad eggs that spoil the dozen (love ya grand ma); its just that sometimes I would rather shoot a Pea Cock, than comment on the beauty of a sparrow (I'm venting).

Peace,

j

to surmize

I saw a bumper sticker once. It said, and I quote:

"Aunt Em.
Hate you.
Hate Kansas.
Taking the dog."

This basically covers how I feel at the moment.