Mommies got crabs........

Some things you just don't want to hear. "Mommies got Crabs". Not high on my list. I suppose I should back up. The wife, kids, and grandparents are at the beach this weekend, and as it turns out the Mrs. touched a crab. Not such a big deal.

Now here's the thing. I love talking to my kids. Every chance I get. Furthermore, I fear the day when they don't or won't be bothered by my tiresome self. However, I would prefer some brief warning. Like "Hi honey. how are you? the kids want to say hi........." Instead the phone rings and I get.
"Hi daddy. Crabs run sideways. Mom touched one, but I didn't get to (my youngest is in the back screaming "I wanna talk to daddy")."
" Daddy, are sharks mammals?, Mommy met a lifegaurd today. I said they were kissing. she said he rescued her from drowning. In the bedroom." "Those life guards sure now how to breathe. Mommy was sooooooo red. She said not to tell grandpa."

My youngest gets on the phone. "Daddy... Daddy look at my see shells." I love the age when you can see stuff over the phone. Actually the technology exists, I just can't afford or. understand it. "Ok, love you, can you put mommy on the phone?"

"She getting crabs with Uncle Lifeguard"

just fly

Its hard to watch people who care suffer. Its like watching people repeatedly throwing life preservers to individuals who don't even know they are drowning. Change. is it so hard? People hate change. Loathe it. Like predictability is so great. If you know a trains coming, why would you choose not to get off the damn tracks??? Its a freakin train.

I honestly think humans are almost as programmable as damn computers. Some days I feel like I'm a computer repairman, with no training or tools. The only difference is..... A computer doesn't have a choice. If a computer has a problem you go in and fix it. People choose.

I'm not knocking free-will. Its a good thing. Its just heart-breaking to watch people do self-destructive things because they devalue themselves so much. Its tragic.

Hug your children tonight. Tell them you love them, Value them. That they are special, and that they can do ANYTHING. Children need boundaries, but not for potential. Dare your children to spread their wings and fly as far the sky will allow, and love them as they learn. Love them when they fail. Love them when they succeed. Most importantly. Only love them on the weekdays that end in Y.

A word of remembrance

I think something should be said to the loss of two men I view as great and visionary. Tim Russert of NBC, and George Carlin. Both men where giants in their field. Both men greatly affected the world around them, making this world arguably better.

Russert from my limited understanding was a man who personified integrity. A man who represents journalistic ideals at a time when journalistic integrity is void to the extent that it could arguably be viewed as oxymoronic in nature.

Perhaps to further this irony, I think the man who would comment best on this would perhaps be George Carlin. A man who made no apologies for who he was or what he believed in. Not so much a choir boy, still a guy who was to my understanding honest and open in his commentaries about the world.

One man made us laugh, while the other reminded us of a time when news meant something, and trust had validity.

I had a chance to briefly peruse the political cartoons mourning the loss of Tim, and the cartoons seemed again to speak to integrity and class.

Such interesting contrast between these two great men. One man shouted and shook his fist at a system he disagreed with; whilst the other stood firm with pen and paper meticulously addressing a maelstrom of political issues.

In closing, I like to imagine the two together playing chess. It is safe image for me to digest, and I take solace in the idea that they are in a better place. However, often times they say tragedies happen in three's and I cannot bear the thought or timing of losing another great such as the likes of Tim Russert and George Carlin.

mayberry hell

I work in mayberry hell. really. This place has all the warm acutriments of Mayberry, plus the hearthful warming qualities that, Hell has to offer. We have a town drunk. Who stays drunk. Marries the towns crazy lady, in between hospital stays.

We have local small town politicians with hair pieces that make your wonder if a bald poodle is somewhere shivering in a corner trying to keep warm. You have the local beauty shops with the little blue hairs who go in to get their blue hair quaffed in the style that is usually referred to as;" she looks so nice" when passing the casket.

We have a depraved miniature inner city fully equipped with all the crack, drugs, and whores, you could ever dream of. I suspect a lot of small towns have evolved this way. Small gas stations and mom and pop stores, no different than 50 years ago, minus the gang tags spray painted on the walls.

Its all here. And I suspect everywhere. You just gotta now where to look. I think you can find goodness and evil on every street corner. You just gotta now where to shop.

ventilation

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah time to take a moment to speak. to let the dogs run as it where. if i had dogs. if i was a dog. i would be a lazy cat fearing tired dog. I like dogs. personality. cats. not so much. cats are all meow and hair. dogs are interested parties. dogs are present. ready to share. wanna play. oh yeah. Cats. "i don't know maybe" "you got any good cat-nip on that ball?"

Actually one of our cats (we have 2) is kind of a hunter. which is cool. The other one. well the other one is more of a rug. which is also cool. He likes play. he likes to paw at you and stuff. He just doesn't want to get up to do it.

Cats like laser pointers. they will chase those. of course use extreme caution as per eyes and such.

dogs will chase most things although it is funny when you throw a Frisbee, and the dog looks at you as if to say, " and your point is ?"

pets are interesting. You have your exotic pet people. your reptile owners. Your iguana types. God forbid spider owners. Spiders? "and your point is?" Personally my take on spiders runs along this line. If I need a laxative, I'll go to the pharmacy, not the pet store. I'm sure both products are equal in causing me to crap myself, I just prefer less legs and hair in the equation. So to speak.

So we look for the positive

In a job which is so often so bleak, we struggle as workers to stay upbeat and positive. In a place where happiness falls like crumbs to the ground. I find myself looking for meaning. Meaning which I see. In children's eyes. But here's the thing. If you can be kind. Kind. to other people. listen. to other people. then you have something. if you can help someone. great. if you can't. explain why. If you aren't the door opening for someone else, take a moment to show them another doorway. We live our lives having doors closed in our faces. It gets old. We get tired. I see these people daily. Tired people with sore toes, from having too many doors closed.

Validate. not parking. truth. validate what is going on. if its bad acknowledge its bad. bad doesn't mean unfixable. Bad just means bad. If your life sucks. So be it. at least you have a starting place. Sucks ain't great, but at-least its directional. Love more. Forgive even more. What is that saying,...... but to forgive is divine. I think it is divine within more than outwardly. Forgiveness is self-healing. Forgiveness leads to acceptance. or verse-vice. If we can truly forgive then we grow. as people. as spirits.

I'm not saying this to be cheesy. I'm not saying, don't laugh at the guy with the mullet, and the lawyers briefcase; but maybe don't point and giggle. Because somewhere he has a mom. with a mullet, and a members only jacket. and she loves her son as best she can.

God has given us a world that is a fun house mirror. So we can shrink away from it. or giggle. What's it gonna be? I hope I can laugh. Crying once in a while might be cool too.

Shout out to my sister. I love ya babe. Your awesome. Spread your wings and fly. Dare to be the great person you truly are inside. Your courage inspires me.

j

i wish i could find the girl i spoke to after he died. i remember being in my room, watching a movie. I think it was Roger Rabbit. someone was banging on my door. A friend was crying saying something about, "I thought it was you". We went to the window and looked down. The EMT's were doing there best. I remember the sound of some kind of generator. The broken bricks, and the EMT's working frantically. Dizziness.

in the hallway his friend sat crumpled on the floor, crying. broken possibly moreso than our friend. she kept saying "its my fault" I just held her, while she cried. broken.

I remember waking up our hallmates and telling them what happened. It was stange saying the words "Alan's Dead". The shock of it all sweeping around all of us.

We all sat in meeting room. Someone told us some speech about how this would make us all closer, and that we would have a lot to endure. I guess i listened. Then some other guy. i guess the expert came in and i don't remember anything he said. he had that counselor beard. thick scraggily. the beard that says, "i'm a shrink, i can shrink you".

The sun came up and i tried to close my eyes. all i could see was alan, laying there, and those poor EMT's.

Alan's funeral was the prettiest day, i can recall. it was fall but smelled of spring. the air was crisp and the sky was blue. i remember an older woman sitting next to me crying. and crying. I think i touched her hand. i can't say for sure. i would like to think i reached out.

i don't think alan was churchy, so the preacher had to give the "I talked to Alan's friends....."

i tried to sleep after the funeral. still saw alan. bummer.

i had talked to alan the day before he jumped. we were watching perry mason. for whatever reason. You know how college kids watch stupid crap between classes or when the should be studying.

alan was punching the wall that night he was mad about something. i think his friends were talking to him or arguing with him. i remember going out in the hall at some point and confronting him about banging on the walls. or confronting his friends. i can't or don't want to remember. he, or they apologized. it was cool. no big deal. i guess this is the part where i ask myself what if i said or did something else. what if i asked what was wrong instead of saying knock it off, or whatever i said.

later in the fall i saw her. the girl. the broken girl. i didn't say anything. i didn't know what to say. what do you say. we made eye contact. that was it. i wish i could see her again. talk to her. i don't know what i would say. want to say.

sometime later, i was driving with a friend and we saw another friend. we picked her up and were driving back to the dorm. she said something about having a wierd night. She said she watching a movie with some friends. Roger Rabbit. Somehow it was hilarious to me and my friend. just tragically ironic, i think. we didn't explain it to her. How she thought her experience watching Roger Rabbit was strange. i hate that rabbit. alan, who of course isn't named alan, was a good kid. bright and funny. somewhere it got lost in an instant. and so it is.