Doctors.... taste just like chicken

Foreword I would like to apologize to all of my friends who are Doctors, be they PhD's, MD's, what have you. I love you all and cherish your friendships. And you know who you are because you are probably the only ones reading this blog.

Let me start by saying, and I am stereo typing hard core, but here goes; there is no I in team. However if you look closely, there is EGO in the word Doctor. In my work I have come to know a good many Dr's and have tremendous respect for them as professionals and as people. Having said this I have also run across more than the occasional breed that I would not piss on if, metaphorically speaking, they where on fire (god I miss my grand-mother, she had the best quotes). Again I would emphasize to my dear friends that were you in any incendiary state I would be both ready and willing to provide hose and urine at a moments notice.

Obviously I have been inundated with the pompous breed of MD of late. So today after leaving what I considered to be a valuable days work, with a client and family; assisting them with appropriate necessities, I found myself walking wearily out the hospital. Again after having to listen to some Big Wheel surgeon go ON AND ON AND ON about his portfolio on the phone. His tax leans, tee-pees, and wig-wams; while bitching at his assistant who had the nerve to call him with a medical question for what I believe was a post-op questions which he repeatedly said, "just do the usual, until he finally grabbed his little quasi sliver phone and essentially repeated said message, hangs up, and then apologizes for this peons interruption into the glowing spotlight that is him. Which by the way was giving me a headache. Me. Me, captain ego. Man of all seasons. Prince of the tides, lord of the rings, king of the jungle, head of the used car lot........ Folks if your ego light extinguishes mine, YOUCH. That's like breaking Narcissus' Mirror.

Ordinarily this would be enough of a build up but I feel the need to share this other small piece..... By small piece I mean a lot of things. For the last three days I have been dealing with this other pompous, whats the word................... asshole. Who has been insistent on discharging an individual who wasn't medically stable. Now here's the thing boys and girls. I am not a Doctor. I also now less about medicine than I can read Chinese (I always get the number seven). However, in my line of work I am required to ascertain as to a clients state of well being before appropriate transfer can be made.

So your wondering. Jon how can this be? We have red your work. We know you are wise and can only presume you are handsome beyond all recourse, and have probably maimed yourself just to keep from being mobbed by fans. Still, Jon, who we all love, how can you question a Dr.? Low not just a Dr. But a genius. A great man. A man who is not only aware of his brilliance but has hired people to reinforce said knowledge.

My answer, dear friends, is simple. And for only $9.95 you too can have........
Actually here's the thing. Bold Face Print. Any medical labs that are out of whack or of the norm, are in Bold face print. Where as I don't know medicine, I have a working knowledge of Bold Face Print. So whilst I can't so much as argue with the greater minds of this world, I can wearily approach the king on bended knee with quivering voice and say, "Pardon me my Lord, But me thinks the Potassium is perchance low on this particular peasant", and then quickly feign back as not to catch the full wrath of Zeus's'(DR) wrath.

So for three days I have been catching shit from Dr. Zhivago who's main goal in life (Second to having a small town, or even state named after him) is to get this patient discharged. By day three, and this shows you just how mature I'm not, I actually wear a tie into work just to remind myself to be professional and not maul this guy (I'm sure I wouldn't I'm all talk).

Fast Forward, patient leaves. Family happy. Nurses happy. Jon happy. Dr. Oblivious to whole scenario, distracted trying to see reflection in stethoscope.

So I'm walking out of the building, tired, and frustrated, when I happen to cross paths with a dear friend. One of those people who is just unique. The guy you recognize and enjoy in movies and sitcoms. The best supporting actor. The straight man. The guy with timing. At times I even feel like the narrator. Just an awesome dude. Truly blog worthy.

So he says to me, "I see Dr. schmo, Dr blow, and Dr. No "( one of which is the first prick I railed about earlier). "and I hear Dr. Blow say" "It's not like we're playing god"...... The guy tells me, after I crack three ribs from laughter that he had the same side splitting response walking down the hallway, and that Dr. Blow said, "Whats so Funny"?

Folks, For those of you that get this. I hope you feel the same mirth that I enjoyed. Its one of those jokes that if its funny to you, you laugh till it hurts. I will enjoy this joke for many a day to come.

But let me close, by again saying, some of the most remarkable people I have had the privilege to work with have been Dr's. Quality, caring people, who have reached out to and assisted myself, and my family on numerous occasions. As is always the case it usually a few bad eggs that spoil the dozen (love ya grand ma); its just that sometimes I would rather shoot a Pea Cock, than comment on the beauty of a sparrow (I'm venting).

Peace,

j