autumnal

I feel autumnal. It is cold. I am a little tired. Weary. Scared at times. I feel blessed. I have a wonderful family. Sometimes you just worry. You try to control the things that you can. Like the prayer for AA. Control what you can, let go what you can't, and try to find the wisdom to know the difference.

Forgive me if I got that wrong. There are just times in life when you want to just ramble and spit your thoughts out. Times when you feel too much. When you don't feel enough. And I can't play piano. What? I can't play piano? I'm not crazy. This is just as close to relaxing as it gets for me at- times, and it seems like it would be nice just to sit down at a piano. Me I just sit here at a keyboard, and share some thoughts.

Autumnal. I like that word. I think its followed by equinox. Not sure what that means. I think there ingredients in Chinese food. I have to work this weekend. Dreading it. I hate call. Loathe call. Oh well. Glad to have a job. Pick your battles. Not your nose. Hey there's a title for the autobiography.

peace,

memories

So I've been doing this mental acuity program online, just to check it out. Basically, the program is a series of mental tasks in almost a quizzical game format. It measures attentional, spacial memory, memory, processing type stuff.

Its very interesting. The program graphs and monitors your progress over time. You get a free two-week trial. So, I'm milkin it.

Anyway, pretty much as best I can tell, my processing is pretty sharp. My attention, is even somewhat good. However, I have the memory of a sick goldfish. Its brutal. Almost scary. Well, don't have much creative energy to share, and don't want to waste any ones time, so peace out.

J

happy turkey day

happy turkey day

Rogers Crucible

Here's the thing. We laugh to feel better. Not so much to hurt others. Just to feel better. At what point are we cruel? Is humor a coping mechanism? A survival instinct? What gives?

"A face only a mother could love." Who's face? Who's mom? Making fun of others is so tiresome when we actually bother to feel their emotions. their pain. It ruins the whole field-trip for everybody.

Its so much easier to make fun. To be-little. It doesn't hurt. Or does it? Do we feel bad?

I don't walk in somebody else's moccasins. Their all sweaty. empathy, is over-rated. it is also underrated. it also takes courage, conviction, and heart. Anybody can make fun of someone. Its easy. I do it all the time.

But I also feel.
The broken glass.
In the moccasins.
and I. will walk on....................

still trying to figure out.......

Still trying to figure out how to post comment(s). I think you can post them know? I have it set up to moderate. Maybe that will make commenting easier.

Don't know........

hmmmmmmmmmmm

hmmmmmmmmm.
Just thought I would take a minute to ponder. Occasionally you get moments to ponder. This is a pondering moment. A moment where no direction appears readily apparent. Usually prior to an anvil falling on your head. Kind of cartoonish I suppose. Just a thought.

I think I am out of things to say. Bummer. I thought I was a lot smarter than this. But I guess my widdle bwain is full.

Life is so special. Everyday it unfolds before us in all of splendor and amazement. Still I sit here guffawing at it like a dumb animal.

Comments

I think I finally have this thing set up so people can comment on the postings without having to belong to g-mail. At least thats the plan.

Sociology Soup

This is something I have mentioned and pondered over before, still I am always struck by this. The titles of some of the other blogs. You literally have the full spectrum of humanity. Its fascinating. And at times alarming. I wish Carl Jung could have seen this. I would love to know his thoughts. I wouldn't mind Freud's feedback either, although you and I know he'd end up in some blog about "Bambi and her toys".

Its neat though. The Internet really is a clear mirror of society. Growing clearer every day. Yeppur, Alice has taken her pill, Dorothy has clicked her heels and were off on a technological world wind. Millions of Microscopic Societal dots (humans), myself included; all screaming "I'm significant" That's a quote I stole from Calvin and Hobbes, another great microcosmic mirror of earth.

My question is this: Have humans always been so freakin weird? When Ward and June turned the lights off, after the Beaver and Wally were safely tucked in bed, did they snore off to sleep? Or did June open the "special drawer" with lubricant and a spatula?

I guess biblically it all starts and ends with man. and of course fruit. According to the bible. We bit the fruit and that was it. June sayith unto Ward, "low get thee to bed, and I shalt commence with lubricant and thy spatula".

So the bible says we have always been pretty ducked up. Furthering its point that we have been ducked up to such an extreme that we'll it rained so hard it was pretty much Noah and some ducks (walk into bar...... sorry couldn't pass it up. I am who I am. or as the bible says "I am". ).

So is the computer a really bad apple? Or is it just proof of the power of fruit? Interesting stuff. At least to me. As I sit here with a brief moment in a world of brief moments strung together frailly on the twine that is my life.

So I'll leave you with this thought only to further cloud the soup. Robin Williams, while doing a comedy bit noted that it wasn't so much scary that man contracted AIDS from copulating with a monkey; rather that it was more frightening to think that right now somewhere on a farm there's a guy going, "here chicky chicky"

Good Stuff

It is a beautiful crisp fall day. A day that never seemed to come. The heat of the summer has carried what to me seems long into the fall. Still, the leaves have changed, and the breeze is cool.

So I have a moment to speculate. Speculate on life. What matters most? Least? What is truly special.

Friendship. Friendship is priceless, miss-understood, and vastly underrated. Friendship gets lost in definition. I think most people remember friends from a good place. However, the mark of friendship, is when you are in a bad place, and you find your friends with you. Friends are the ones who show up with a torch when you are lost in the dark, and sometimes don't even now it. I love my friends. I feel truly rich when I look at my friends.

Chocolate. Chocolate is priceless, often misunderstood, and yes at times vastly underrated. Like friendship its complexities can be vexing. You have your traditional chocolate. Good, loyal, affordable, and trustworthy. Then you have your dark chocolate. A little mysterious. Richer, more exotic. Further still Chocolateers push the envelope (that's a career, Chocolateer) with REALLY DARK chocolate. This is essentially a large cocoa bean picked off of some remote mountainside in between skirmishing drug cartels. This is truly the devils fruit. Oh yeah. This is the stuff that you buy your spouse when you have either screwed up, or anticipate capture from a screw-up (at-least that's what they tell me). Then there is the super expensive by the pound Godiva Chocolates. I have never done anything wrong enough to have had the privilege of such a purchase. Godiva says, "Yeah I did it. I'm very very sorry. May I please have my testicles back?"

I hope that someday when I am sitting alone in a cave of darkness; sullen after whatever screw-up I have incurred upon myself a friend will emerge holding a torch. And some chocolate.

Stolen Moments

As a father of two, I always treasure the time I spend with my kids. Its probably my favorite time in fact. Although, and those of you who are parents will appreciate this; I found myself all alone for a little while this weekend, and it was so peaceful. It was so quiet, and I felt a little bit relaxed. Somewhere during this time, I thought to myself this stolen moment is really great. This respit from the screaming and the running is so calming.

Having had this thought however; somehow identifying this moment as a stolen one, was really thought provoking. I say this because as I watch the two pieces of Kudzu that are my children grow rapidly before my eyes, I find myself feeling selfish. I find that anytime I am not with my children, I am missing out. Sort of a paradigm shift if you think about it. The moments you think you are stealing, are often moments stolen from you.